The Key to Treating Yo’ Self

The Key to Treating Yo’ Self

What is it about becoming a parent or growing up that makes it suddenly so challenging to make new friends? From the time we were babies on playdates all the way through to partying in college, it was easy to make friends. Suddenly, you throw in a marriage, a few kids (or maybe just one), balancing being a Stay at Home Mom or nurturing a career and making friends is almost as hard as dating. Why is that?

Recognition is the First Step

In order for us to even begin to treat ourselves as women and mothers, we’ve got to put self-care at the top of our lists rather than not even on it at all. Now that the easy part is out of the way, let’s move on to the hard part—finding and making friends in a digital world.

Hi, you seem cool. Wanna go out?

Does this sound like you? You’re dropping your kid off at school and you see another mom. She’s got her workout clothes on, hair in a ponytail, a kid in one arm while she’s lugging a backpack, lunchbox and nap mat in her other all the while telling her son not to run in the parking lot. You feel like you’re looking in the mirror. She seems like someone you’d like…someone with whom you can commiserate over a cup of coffee. You smile, thinking about how much fun that might be and then freeze up like a shy girl asking out the cute boy. Why is it so dang hard to just make friends with other moms?

Whatever happened to talking on the phone?

In this age of social media, we can find out someone’s entire life story just by knowing their name and looking them up on Facebook or Instagram. Let’s bring back the notion of a phone call. Not a text but actually picking up the phone and talking. We all know that the lives we portray on social media are not a true representation of everything we have going on. It’s a filtered truth. Some people talk about their struggles but, for the most part, it’s filled with pretty pictures of kids, family, direct sales businesses, etc. It’s only through connecting and talking with our friends that we can build those deeper, more meaningful relationships. When was the last time you asked a friend or were asked by a friend how you were feeling? Not just a “how are you?” but truly and deeply asking them or being asked how they’re doing in this season of life.

Finding Your Tribe

With age comes more responsibility and less time for self-care but that doesn’t mean we have to stop having fun. Laughter is the best medicine, right? It’s so easy as parents to make excuses for ourselves and find a reason not to go out and let loose. Mom guilt is real, as we are all too well aware, but we owe it to ourselves, to our spouses and children to take care of ourselves. Find people who genuinely are interested in you and make you laugh. Friendships can be formed anywhere – your neighborhood, work, sports teams, school, moms clubs – put yourself out there and find people who bring you joy. Or even find some time to Netflix and chill with your girlfriends! Grab some popcorn, relate and laugh at Netflix’s newest comedy The Let Down about a first-time mom exploring the new world of motherhood. I mean, who can’t relate to that?

If all else fails, follow this list

  • Check out your local parenting groups, either in-person or online, and introduce yourself and your story.
  • Attend classes or events specifically for new moms, like a breastfeeding support group or a baby massage class.
  • Reach out to other moms through social media or online forums.
  • Make an effort to chat with other moms in the park, at the store, or while out and about.
  • Join a mommy-and-me type activity, like a playgroup or a music class.
  • If you have friends who are also moms, try asking them if they know anyone else who would want to meet up and form a new mom group.

There’s no doubt that making lasting friendships as an adult is difficult but it doesn’t mean we have to give up. Believe it or not, you’re not alone. Life is too short for mommy wars and jealousy. Let’s all go out there and make some friendships happen!

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